When I talked to my Nonno last night, he couldn't contain the excitement in his voice that my cousin, Alyssa, and I are coming to see him (and the rest of my family that still lives in the area). And of course, the first thing on his mind was what I wanted to eat and what he needed to get at the grocery store. First on the list? Meatballs. *epic sigh* It's not even worth trying to explain to him anymore that I'm a vegetarian.
This is my life when I go to Buffalo
Despite the emotion that will be invoked by staying in my Nonna's house for the first time in my life with no Nonna, I know that this coming week is going to be so good. I need a change of pace. While moving out of the city and out of a very toxic relationship was the best decision I could have made, this summer has been anything but smooth sailing. Which is ridiculous considering I came home to find healing and rest and support and love. I am exhausted by the drama of it all.
Sometimes I wonder, despite the fact that I hate it so much, if I'm the one who inadvertently creates all the drama. After all, I am a Thespian (as in actor, not playing for the other team :)) and no stranger to the stage. But, then I think of times in my life when I haven't been around certain people and life seemed to be fairly even. For as much as I didn't want to be in Pittsburgh, I never remember having "drama." Yes, there were hard things that I was dealing with and not everything about that year was easy, but I had amazing friends who were like-minded and easy-going. Mostly, I wonder when it ends. When does it get to the point where I am just too frikken old to deal with this? What relationships are worth keeping (even with drama) and which ones am I willing to let go to lead a healthier, more peaceful life? And, in letting those relationships go, do I sacrifice others? Am I ok with that?
I am not perfect. I by no means make perfect decisions. But, I am haunted by the horrible decisions I have made in the recent past and terrified of continuing the trend. What is the right thing to do? I have heard that sometimes you don't always have to know what the right thing is to do it, as long as you know what the wrong thing is. I don't even know that right now.
So, yes, I need this week in Buffalo. I need a moment to decompress. I need time to think without distractions. I need to go dancing with Alyssa and P.A. I need to play Mario Bros. WII with Ali. I need to go horseback riding with my aunt. I need to watch old home videos with my Nonno. I need to laugh. I need to cry. I need to love my family and be loved by them.
As my dad says, blood is thicker than water. I have no idea where that saying came from, but I am so grateful that my family will always be with me and they are awesome.
I am leaving for Buffalo in less than three days!!!!! No amount of exclamation points can communicate my excitement.