Monday, July 21, 2008
Last Friday night, I was a spectator to one of the most brilliant sights mine eyes have ever seen. I was in the throes of frustration, grief, and angst. I ran to Nauset Beach which has been my sanctuary in so many times past. As I crested the top of the dunes, there lay my ocean, white caps showing pale in the half-shrouded moon, waves thundering in all their glorious rage. I was struck to the core by the beauty of uncontrollable nature and the God who has created it. I ran along the shore letting the wind whip the tears from my eyes and not caring how much my lungs burned or how high the waves crashed on my legs. I ran until the moon broke out from behind the clouds and showed her face, red with summer heat and passion. I dropped to my knees completely undone at the grandeur of my God and wondering how I could have ever doubted His sovereignty. I could not stop crying. I could not stop worshipping. I could not stop the trembling as I realized for the first time in a long time how terrifying, how utterly enormous my Lord is. The inspiration that wrote the Psalms was in my heart and I wish that I had a pen and paper so I could have written my thoughts at the moment and not days later.
When I finally left the beach, I turned my attention to the flickering sky behind me and thought I would investigate on the bayside. I remember asking God to show me just a glimpse of His glory.
I arrived at Rock Harbor totally expecting the Community of Jesus to be putting on a fireworks show. It wasn't the Community of Jesus. It was the real thing. A lightning storm of magnitude that I had never seen before was filling the sky. There was a small crowd on the beach: friends, couples, family. I sat by myself in the dunes and watched as bolt after bolt hit out to sea and every several minutes a huge branch of lightning would break through the clouds and stretch out across the heavens. Every time my heard would lurch. I had trouble keeping back the tears, my heart hurt so much from the beauty of it. Part of me wanted to share it with someone, part of me was content to sit by myself, awestruck, no need for words.
The storm continued to blow into shore and the lightening flashed increasingly brighter and bigger. The thunder made my teeth chatter. I had no idea what emotion to display. I was dumbstruck.
At last, the storm was right above the beach. I was lying on my back watching the display of infinite power and majesty. The heavens opened and the great deluge began. I ran back to my car laughing, drenched, as the storm thundered above me.
I put on "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin on the slow ride back to my apartment. As the second verse began, "Who has told every lightening bolt where it should go," a streak of lightening flashed across the sky and left a pathway of light before my vision. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...so I did both. How could I ever doubt? This storm was just a tiny part of how majestic, how terrible, how infinite God is. It was so much more than a glimpse of His glory. And I am so in awe of Him.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The good thing about working 65 hours per week is:
- I'm working and therefore making money
- I'm working and therefore have no time to spend money
- The Wequassett feeds me a shift meal the three nights I work there, cutting back on grocery shopping costs majorly
The bad thing about working 65 hours per week is:
- I end up going commando a lot because I never have time to do laundry
- I never see my friends, including my roommate
- The new apartment still does not have a new couch, area rug, or kitchen table because neither Danielle or I have any free time
The Wequassett stays open until November, but I'm really not sure if I can hold to this schedule for an additional three months. Maybe if I just cut down to two nights a week that would be a lot more manageable than three, even though it's only one night. Hey, having two nights off as opposed to one makes a big difference. The fact that I still have not received my first paycheck from the Wequassett may be factoring into my hesitancy to continue working until November. Maybe once I start seeing that extra $500/month I'll be wishing they stayed open year 'round.
All in all, that extra cash will cover gas, tithing, and allow me to put more towards paying off my student loans every month. Heck, maybe I'll even open a high-interest account and watch my money grow. Isn't it exciting being an adult?
But, despite working like a dog and only going to the beach four times so far, this summer is proving to be a huge improvement from last year. Last year I was still suffering the pangs of broken heartedness over my ex, as well as sowing a few too many wild oats in my attempts to rebound from him. That combination equaled a very unhappy Christina. Unhappy and broke considering I was paying out the ass to live on my own.
I love having a roommate again. I'm glad that I lived on my own last year and had that experience, but sharing rent makes it so much easier to afford life. Plus, I absolutely adore the new apartment. I love the old fashioned door handles and the uneven floors. I even love the sharply gabled ceilings.
And with that, I believe that I've done enough rambling and enough updating. I hope you're happy, Nat :)