Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Warning Men: Do Not Read!

So, remember when I was all excited because I actually woke up early and ran 4 miles? Yeah. Then remember how my joints were a bunch of haters and made me look and feel like an 80-year-old woman? Right. And after a day and a half everything was back to normal and I was all, "Excitement! Imma go running Monday morning!!!!!!!" 

Didn't happen.

Instead, I decided a positive life decision would be to eat a cookie (the size of my face) for breakfast. And then I decided, when I was wide awake at 5:30 this morning, that falling back to sleep trumped doing any form of exercise. Health fail.

Ugh, why is it so hard to say no to chocolate/sugar/carbs/cheese/anything fattening and delicious right now? Have I ever vented about how annoying hormones are and how my body is a frikken battle ground one week out of every month? Oh, I have? Multiple times? To multiple people? Regardless of whether or not they want to hear it? you're saying I should continue my rant?

But seriously, I just don't understand why this has to happen every month. Shouldn't there be an "opt in?" Or maybe it's more like once you're ready to have a baby, you just download an app for that. There has got to be a better/more efficient way. And don't even get me started about child-carrying/bearing. Wait, what about stretch marks? Loss of all bladder and flatulence control? What about my hips dislocating and something the size of a grapefruit coming out of my what??? How is this natural? I mean, I have trouble with tampons, much less pushing a baby out. Reason #358 why having kids freaks me the fuck out.

Another question: Is my body really that angry at me that I didn't get myself impregnated that it's going to not only give me the usual cramping, bloating, water-retention joy, but also extreme fatigue from lack of iron, headaches, numb toes, and bouts of vomiting? Really, my body? Seriously necessary? Why are you such a hater? Oh wait, you're also going to make me an emotional, irrational, temperamental train wreck? Fantastic! I love bursting into tears for no reason. Aren't I just a joy to be around.

I feel like I constantly need to be apologizing to people during this time because I am in a constant state of "OMGZZZZZZ!!!!!!! CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE FREAK OUT!!!!!!" It's kind of like any filter you have on your mind during, you know, normalcy is completely wiped out.
Last night is a perfect example. I received news that a dear friend of mines mother just passed away after a long fight with cancer. I was (am) heartbroken. Perfect time to cry. Did I? No. I wanted to, but I was just sort of....numb....still am. Just sort of....processing. Instead, I waited to burst into tears until later that night when I thought I was done cleaning the kitchen and had just wiped down the sink when I realized I missed the cast iron skillet. Melt. Down.

Ugh! I hope that I can keep it together tomorrow night when I meet TLGOE's bosses (!!!). I'm not too concerned because my mood when I'm around TLGOE ranges somewhere between ecstatic and euphoric. Totally. Crushin.

Just thinking about him puts me in a better mood. *le sigh* So, there! Take that uterus!

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