Monday, December 12, 2011

Nerd Fail

I used to think I was a nerd. Took pride in it. Bragged about it. Embraced it. Why, you ask? Why-ever did a beautiful, charming, witty, fashionista such as moi stereotype herself as a nerd? I will tell you, loyal readers: for the mere fact that I was raised on Star Wars (Han Solo will forever be my perfect man....Oh Noble-Bad-Boy-With-A-Heart-Of-Gold-and-Killer-Good-Looks, where have you been all my life?)  and SciFy, constantly had my nose in a book and actually enjoyed studying, and - most importantly - I was a beast at rescuing Princess Peach from the evil Bowzer a la 1988 NES 8-bit gloriousness.

The Evil Mushrooms still look like owls to me
But, alas, I have been sorely mistaken! Misinformed of what a true nerd is! What is this anime nonsense? And no I do not wish to partake! Play video games past the age of 11 on a system other than NES or Sega? Blasphemy! Graphic novels and and graphic-ier t-shirts? Don't make me give you what-for!

I'm sorry, I don't speak freaky deaky dutch!
I have come to the realization of my non-nerdom over the slow course of basically since this summer. It started with meeting TLGOE. I foolishly believed that our nerdness was equal, but I soon learned that I was merely a minnow in the large ocean of NERD. This was the first inkling I had that my much-coveted title of Hot Nerd Chic might be false. The mass amounts of technology in his loft and superhero posters on his walls left me speechless with the epicness of it all. Unfortunately, things fell apart with TLGOE, although not because of the X-Box....perhaps because I just couldn't stop comparing myself to PowerGirl's effortlessly perky tits. Or maybe I was jealous of Ramona Flowers. The world will never know.

I mean, how do you compete with this?
My second hint that not all was well in the "I'm-A-Fucking-Nerd" world was after Mr. LA Looks himself entered the scene. After our first conversation I knew - Oh boy did I know! - here was a fellow nerd on my level. We can talk about how the subtle sexiness of Leia's white robe outfit is so much better totally not as hot as the blatant sex she oozes in her slave girl outfit! We can dream of naming our first car the Millennium Falcon! He can show me a video clip of him and his friend....battling with light sabers....? Epic? Yes! A display of his mad crazy editing skillz? Indubitably! A sign that I was surpassed, yet again, in the nerd department? Without a doubt. 

Of course I comforted myself with the knowledge that yes, of course I can still hold onto my Hot Nerd Chic title. For a girl, I'm still a total nerd, it's just the men-folk that have the upper hand, right? Right?? Ah, but here is where the proverbial nail in the coffin is pounded home:

Thanksgiving 2011: South Lake, TX. Scene I: The disgusted look on Hot Cousin Number 1's face when I claim that I "know nothing of Harry Potter." Scene II: The copious amounts of excitement displayed by Hot Cousin Number 2 as she played her World of Warcraft version of Xbox for the first time and me not understanding it at allllllllll. Scene III: All of my Hot Cousins having some inherent knowledge of all things pokemon, internet cats, and random cartoons. I was humbled in the grandeur of their Ultimate Hot Nerd Chic-ness. I was merely flotsam bobbing hopelessly in the wake of their Nerdliner. I was utterly and completely destroyed.

Until I realized that I can be ok with this. In fact, I am embracing NOT being a nerd. You know why? Because I am amazing at accessorizing the shit out of an outfit and looking hella tight 365. That's right, bitches, not only will I kill you on NES, I will also out-outfit you (except my hot-nerd cousins are total trend-setters. Blast!).

Seriously, what else do you need?
And to top it off, the time I save by NOT playing video games and looking up LOLZ Cats I can use to learn another language, teach myself to play piano again, learn the choreography to my favorite scene in White Christmas:

Seriously won't get married until the man I'm with reenacts this scene with me. You think I'm kidding....

And I will get around to all those things right after this: 

You're Welcome

No comments: