Yes, I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry to the 2 people who actually read this for leaving you high and dry with updates on my life. The truth is, my life has been pretty hellish over the last...well, let's just say since 3/4 way through 2009. But, I was writing some back then, so no need to rehash. It's a new season. A new chapter in my life has opened and I am once again filled with hope that, yes, despite everything, there is joy and abundance.
I don't want to get too much into, "This happened and then this happened, and after that came this happening." However, I do want to fill in a few details.
I am back on Cape Cod and living with my parents in an attempt to pay off the massive amount of debt I accrued during my time in Pittsburgh (thanks AmeriCorps!) and in Brooklyn (thanks The Artist). I am once again single...a little (lot) more scarred and cynical than before and realizing that dating ass holes is a deathly pattern in my life and I need to change that immediately. I am changing it by working through some of my issues in therapy, surrounding myself with positive, supportive people, and by dating The Last Gentleman On Earth.
I love that I'm attracted to him for all the reasons why other girls would probably just keep walking. He is so adorably nerdy and awkward I cannot stand it. Because, let's be honest, I'm really nerdy and awkward too, I just pretend like I have my shit together. I mean, who else have I ever met actually likes astronomy AND knows what/where the constellations are? Who shares my dweby love for Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and totally gets references to Teen Girl Squad? Who still goes out of his way to open a door (including car doors. Every. Single. Time), pull out a chair, let me order first, always pay for EVERYthing, and not try to just get in my pants immediately? And sure, he's not perfect and there are things that give me pause, but, I'm more concerned right now with him coming to his senses and realizing that I am way too damaged to be worth while then me losing interest because of whatever reason that is no where near important right now because he makes me feel so incredible.
And Bonus: We both agree that taking things ridiculously slow never hurt anyone. And who would've thought, at this point in my life, that I would actually get butterflies just from snuggling on the couch watching a movie? And the other night when he held my hand, I thought I was going to melt into the seat. I mean, this is high school giddiness we're talking about! This hasn't happened to me since the 90s!
Sooooooo, that's that and that's good :). There have been not-so-good things happening this summer, but I'm not dwelling on the negative anymore. I am focusing on the fact that I am making enough money between my two jobs to pay down debt AND buy new shoes. I am focusing on the fact that I have lost over 10 pounds since moving out of the city and am five pounds away from my "high school skinny" goal (!!!). I am focusing on the fact that I get to see my niece, aka My Moo (as well as the rest of my family) multiple times a week. I am focusing on the fact that the past is just that: the past....done, over, finished, and left behind me.
Happiness in Life is not about everything being perfect and going exactly the way you want it to all the time. Happiness is acheived through attitude, through being proactive and not reactive, through focusing on the positive and not the negative.
Happiness also comes from having plane tickets booked for Buffalo the third week of August. It will be the first visit I have made since my Nonna's death in November. The term bittersweet was never more applicable....