I'm eating my mid-morning snack of Yoplait yogurt. This morning's flavor is Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. Not quite my favorite, but I don't hate it. As I sit here eating, I can't help but remember the one time Ben came to visit when I was still in the Harwichport house and I woke up super early to make him his favorite: pineapple upside-down cake. But, because I was in such a rush to have it all ready to eat by the time he woke up, I burned the syrup bottom and the whole cake was ruined.
When he woke up and came downstairs to the image of me trying to salvage my failed attempt at baking, he laughed and hugged me, took a sample bite and said, "Let's go out to breakfast."
Even though he never acknowledged my feelings and always made me second guess myself, he had his good moments. Granted, after awhile the good times failed to compensate for the bad times.
Unfortunately, his oh-so-wonderfully unexpected e-mail is making me reminisce on these memories. I guess I don't mind suffering through it since after reading (and re-reading) his e-mail, I finally had the determination to throw away all of our old correspondence...all the old e-mails from 10 years ago, all the letters, the cards, and the pictures. Everything. And while I'm tempted to feel a stab of remorse that all of the correspondence from our first attempt at a relationship was so sweet with young love, I keep going back to why I need to hold onto it. Someday down the line I'm going to find a man who matches all my grooves. Why would I want to carry baggage from a past relationship? No, he owned my heart for almost nine years, I'm ready to be done. I've been ready for awhile, but I guess I just never thought of that old box under my bed until his e-mail triggered it.
So, thank you for reaffirming to me that I am, once and for all, completely over you. Hopefully one day you can be the same.
Oh, and for the record, when I was thinking about the pineapple upside-down cake disaster, I did tilt my head and smile. And I tilt it to the right...not the left...so there, he didn't know me that well after all.