I leave for Buffalo on Wednesday. The rest of my family arrived from Cape Cod last night and I couldn't be happier about spending Thanksgiving with my mom, dad, sister, neice, grandparents, uncle, aunt, and cousins (as well as seeing all the millions of second cousins that still live in the area).
Since I've moved to Pittsburgh, I've been up to Buffalo three times. It seems like it should be more, yet I am incredibly grateful that I can go up so often. It's been nice to just clean the house for my Nonna and cook meals for the both of them. The only downside is that I always ending up gaining five pounds after every weekend I spend there!
The last time I was there, three weeks ago, it seemed as if the whole situation was so hopeless. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I should hold onto hope or if I should resign myself to the worst. The only problem is I can't quite seem to do the latter. I have no reference point in my brain for life without my Nonna. Is that even possible? What will I do without our quiet evenings on the porch just holding her hand? Helping her cook in the kitchen? Hearing her tell stories in Italian? The loving bickering she does with my Nonno? I cannot fathom it. I feel as though so much will be lost with the passing of my grandparents...an entire chunk of history will be gone.
I savor every moment with them...but, it's never enough. I wish I could just absorb everything about them into my very being and keep it forever, always as fresh and clear as it is now and not dimmed by time as I know my memories will eventually become.
How does one even begin to cope with the inevitable?