Ruminations

The second week of Sound of Music opened well. We had a great audience last night. For anyone who has ever been involved in live theater, you know how important it is to have a good audience: one who is quiet when they're supposed to be quiet, applaud/laugh/gasp in all the right places, and most importantly give back a lot of energy.

This show has been a little surrealistic for me. Yesterday I had to keep reminding myself that we had a show that night. I guess it's always hard coming off of two weeks of rehearsals every night, moving right into opening the show, and then all-of-a-sudden having 3 days off. But, I didn't forget any of my lines or lyrics, so that mini panic attack I had yesterday was completely unfounded.

There's been a lot of stuff going around my mind besides the musical, but for some reason that always seems to dominate. I went to Brewster Green on Wednesday night and sat in the sauna for awhile as I collected my thoughts about some things...mostly work...and since work dominates most of my time that basically means life.

I was offered a freelance correspondent position with the newspaper at which I interned five years ago. As excited as I am about the possibility of seeing my name in print again, I'm also a nervous wreck. What if I forget everything about how to write a solid lead and nut graph? What if all literary prowess deserts me? What if I can't fit it into my schedule? What if I end up running myself ragged and failing at everything?

I think a lot of my anxiety is coming from the fact that I really don't know what this potential job entails. This newspaper is only weekly, but does that mean I'll be writing every week? How many stories a week? Maybe just a couple stories a month? These are all questions that are going unanswered as I wait to hear back from the managing editor. I mean, this could solve the problem of whether or not I work part-time at the resort again this summer, but man, even if I only write one story a week my schedule's going to be pretty packed with a 40-hour job plus the radio all day Saturday.

And I was thinking of auditioning for Godspell this summer? Why do I never learn how to not overbook myself? If I was an airline company, I would be giving away free trip vouchers left and right.

I guess only time will answer all these questions and solve all these problems. And sitting around waiting for that to happen is so enjoyable for an impatient person.

The Hills Are Alive

I'm listening to Snow Patrol right now. I'm going to pretend like I haven't neglected this blog for two months.

This has been hell week at the theater. The week before production is always hell week. My life is work, theater. Theater, work. I wouldn't change it.

I've been reflective lately on my time at the little theater on a hill, thinking about my debut on its stage this time two years ago as Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof. I'm not so much nostalgic about the show, however great of a show it was, but more on the place in which I found myself at the time. Living on my own for the first time ever. Breaking up with Ben...the worst heart-ache of my life. Not knowing who I was anymore. All my insecurities and financial stress. Trying too hard and looking too far and craving too much.

I was talking to the roommate last night about how, despite all the good times I've had up to this point in my life, I wouldn't go back. I'm enjoying this contentment too much to want anything else. Even if I can't stay up as late as I used to or if I don't find enjoyment in drunken revelries like a "normal" 25-year-old, I like this place better; this place of peace. This place of being comfortable in my own skin.

We open the Sound of Music on Thursday and a week from then will be the two-year aniversary of breaking up with Ben, of starting this wonderful journey of rediscovering myself and God and life with all its joys and sorrows.

I'm listening to Snow Patrol right now. And I feel nothing but the enjoyment of a good album.