Independent Woman

I love my new apartment.

I love not having any roommates. No parents. No one to take care of but me and Toki:

Toki is a magical cat who greats me every day at the door when I come home from work and keeps my lap warm when I'm watching a movie and my feet warm in bed at night. He wakes me up in the morning by sitting on my chest and placing a little paw on my cheek. This is Toki language for "Feed me." But, on days when I'm not feeling well (which have been a lot lately), he'll just stay curled up by my side, purring, and wait for me to wake up on my own. He's good that way.

But, this is not supposed to be about Toki even though I've totally turned into the crazy cat lady fallen in love with the majestic beast. 

Ultimately, I love the relaxation that comes from knowing that when I come home, everything will be the way I left it. I can be as clean as I want, but not stress if I leave my breakfast dishes in the sink. I can walk around naked. I can play the music as loud as I want. I can cook at one in the morning. I can dance like no one is watching and literally have no one watching. 

I love feeling like a big girl again. Not "I'm 27 and still living in my parent's basement."  I love not living paycheck-to-paycheck and actually feeling like I'm working towards things that I want....

....I just spent the last 15 minutes calculating debt-payoff and readjusting my budget. I figure if I cut my monthly allowance, I can be credit card debt free by May....just in time for and Epic Road Trip (please let it happen!)

Sometimes it's still depressing realizing how far behind I am financially. I feel like I should have some $10,000 nest egg squirreled away somewhere at this point and already be five years into an IRA. Am I the only one who feels this way? 

I guess technically I could be well on my way towards that if I had listened to my dad and stayed in his basement and not spent the extra money each month on rent. But (there's always a "but"), there is no price tag on independence and peace-of-mind. I think I would rather it take me a little bit longer to pay off the debt I racked up in Pittsburgh and Brooklyn and actually be content holed away in my Little Mansion all winter then pay everything off sooner but be in a constant state of pulling out my  hair. 

It truly is about the little things in life. And I am reveling in them right now.

The Dog Days Are Over

Yes, I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry to the 2 people who actually read this for leaving you high and dry with updates on my life. The truth is, my life has been pretty hellish over the last...well, let's just say since 3/4 way through 2009. But, I was writing some back then, so no need to rehash. It's a new season. A new chapter in my life has opened and I am once again filled with hope that, yes, despite everything, there is joy and abundance.

I don't want to get too much into, "This happened and then this happened, and after that came this happening." However, I do want to fill in a few details.

I am back on Cape Cod and living with my parents in an attempt to pay off the massive amount of debt I accrued during my time in Pittsburgh (thanks AmeriCorps!) and in Brooklyn (thanks The Artist). I am once again single...a little (lot) more scarred and cynical than before and realizing that dating ass holes is a deathly pattern in my life and I need to change that immediately. I am changing it by working through some of my issues in therapy, surrounding myself with positive, supportive people, and by dating The Last Gentleman On Earth.

TLGOE=*le sigh*

I love that I'm attracted to him for all the reasons why other girls would probably just keep walking. He is so adorably nerdy and awkward I cannot stand it. Because, let's be honest, I'm really nerdy and awkward too, I just pretend like I have my shit together. I mean, who else have I ever met actually likes astronomy AND knows what/where the constellations are? Who shares my dweby love for Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and totally gets references to Teen Girl Squad? Who still goes out of his way to open a door (including car doors. Every. Single. Time), pull out a chair, let me order first, always pay for EVERYthing, and not try to just get in my pants immediately? And sure, he's not perfect and there are things that give me pause, but, I'm more concerned right now with him coming to his senses and realizing that I am way too damaged to be worth while then me losing interest because of whatever reason that is no where near important right now because he makes me feel so incredible.
And Bonus: We both agree that taking things ridiculously slow never hurt anyone. And who would've thought, at this point in my life, that I would actually get butterflies just from snuggling on the couch watching a movie? And the other night when he held my hand, I thought I was going to melt into the seat. I mean, this is high school giddiness we're talking about! This hasn't happened to me since the 90s!

Sooooooo, that's that and that's good :). There have been not-so-good things happening this summer, but I'm not dwelling on the negative anymore. I am focusing on the fact that I am making enough money between my two jobs to pay down debt AND buy new shoes. I am focusing on the fact that I have lost over 10 pounds since moving out of the city and am five pounds away from my "high school skinny" goal (!!!). I am focusing on the fact that I get to see my niece, aka My Moo (as well as the rest of my family) multiple times a week. I am focusing on the fact that the past is just that: the past....done, over, finished, and left behind me.

Happiness in Life is not about everything being perfect and going exactly the way you want it to all the time. Happiness is acheived through attitude, through being proactive and not reactive, through focusing on the positive and not the negative.

Happiness also comes from having plane tickets booked for Buffalo the third week of August. It will be the first visit I have made since my Nonna's death in November. The term bittersweet was never more applicable....